The habit of people pleasing may be worse than a curse. It makes a person vulnerable to all kinds of mistreat, traps and misuse. However the truth of the matter is, this habit is one of the easiest to break from. It only requires some decision-making and determination as stipulated here;
#1. Cultivate self-awareness
Go back to the roots and analyze the source of this habit. You may be among the people who picked the people-pleasing habit from childhood as a result of being neglected while you were still young, or maybe you were forced by circumstances in life. Check up what really molded this character in you, and start figuring how you can destroy it.
You can also move a step further by acknowledging the hot-spots where the crave to please people raises at. For instance, it may be around certain people that you want complements from, such as your spouse, kids, strangers or even worse; your enemies. Be aware of the "people-pleaser-urge-pattern" and where it usually pops from.
Simply ask yourself what you've gained all along while trying to please those people, and off-course you'll find out, non. In fact the truth is, you'll find a great minus on your character, personality or even material gain in all your people pleasing business. It doesn't earn you anything, but strips your respect off.
#2. Break that strong urge to make everybody around happy
This point can help accelerate your efforts to freedom. Simple; -everytime you "SEE" people, prepare in advance by noting it's not your obligation to make them happy. Everybody has their own life, and it's not your need to tickle them and make them laugh. The world will not fall apart if you just be yourself. And in fact that strong urge to please them is a highway to feeling rejected soon after you satisfy it.
#3. Learn to be yourself
You are a human with decisions and choices to make, and it's important to consider that. It's YOU WHO DECIDES TO BE YOU, don't allow people to decide what they think you should be. Okay, you don't have to be rude, simply know what you want in life and mean it politely. Learn to say no with simplicity, politeness and firmness.
You don't have to give excuses while in the real sense you don't want something, simply say; "no please". Whether someone feels good or bad,- it's their choice and they should eat of the consequence of their feeling. Sorry, I don't mean you should be rude, but that's how things are - they'll soon catch up with your new character and even like you for your stands.
Off-course there also will be consequences on your side: just as there will be even worse consequences to saying yes to everything! A people pleasing attitude only see the first part and forgets the trauma of saying "yes, yes" even to the things you dislike. Simply learn to be yourself, and people will respect you without CHOICE.
#4. Stop the worry of what people might say
Everybody has their own brains and they choose what to do with it. One thing is sure, whether they decide to esteem you or reject you entirely depends with you and not them. Aha! Yeap, this is the brutal truth. Respect yourself and they'll have no choice but to respect you. See, in life you are the teacher to teach us about you, not a people-pleaser. So teach people how to treat you and not the vise verser. You are the one who knows the staff you are made of- so, stop depending on people complements for motivation.
Labels: Personal Development